I had the grey poop-on

So there I was, vacationing in West Virginia, and my mom (vacationing with us) wanted to take us to a fancy restaurant. I'd seen one in a small town only half an hour away a few days earlier, so up we went, 30 minutes away for a meal that was neither fast food nor a diner (and that we didn't cook ourselves).

We arrive in the parking lot, just in time for I pull the sleeping 15-month old, Choclo, out of his car seat. He dreamily snuggles against me. He's so warm, I think.

A little too warm.

I look down--and virtually his entire back is covered in mustardy poo, which had bravely escaped from the confines of Choclo's diaper. So is my arm. And half the chest of my grey shirt.

Did I mention that we were 30 minutes from home?

So I send Grammy, Pop, my wife, and the 4 other kids inside the restaurant, as I gloriously self-sacrificially tell everyone else I'll take care of it. A few diaper wipes my better half had pre-plannedly left in the car got rid of any, um, excess waste that the fabric hadn't absorbed. I then walked off, carrying Choclo, to find a clothing store.

Did I mention it was a small town?

I walked eight blocks on the main drag and found no clothing store. I did, however, stumble upon a gun shop. I saw jackets on sale through the window, and I dared to hope.

Now, I'm not into guns. I've never shot a gun. Truth be told, I don't particularly care for guns. But there I was--and it must have been a sale day or something, because there were about fifteen people in that gun shop, plus three behind the counter. I hugged Choclo a little closer to me, less to protect him then to try to cover up the large poop stains on my grey shirt. Using my free arm, I started looking through the jackets.

What an amazing array of camouflage they make these days. The normal brown-and-green I knew about, and I sort of knew about the more tannish desert camouflage, but black-and-white camouflage? What's the use of that? So that you won't be noticed if you're walking among zebras? I kept looking.

Yes, there was a T-shirt section. Gun photo T-shirts. NRA slogan T-shirts. You can have my handgun when you can pry it from my cold, dead fingers T-shirts.

"I'd rather wear the poopy shirt," I mutter. Very, very quietly, though.

Finally, I find a dull green shirt with a picture of a tree and the words "Mossy Oak." Same on the back, but bigger. It's $14.95. I normally don't pay more than $10 for anything. I go up to the counter without a second thought.

Have you ever tried to dig out a credit card while strategically holding a baby in order to conceal a large poop stain? If so, try signing the credit card slip afterwards. Whole new world.

Casually, I ask the cashier if they know anywhere nearby that sells baby clothes. Walking distance.

Blank looks.

"You know, like a thrift store or anything?"

Aha. They tell me about a thrift store just three blocks and two turns away.

I walk out holding the bag that loudly advertises me as a gun shop customer, priding myself on the fact that no one asked if they smelled anything funny. Three blocks and one turn away, I think maybe I should change my shirt. I could use the rare clean sections of the old shirt to wipe my chest down a little, I figure. Two things stopped me.

First, I wasn't quite sure what to do with Choclo while I changed. As I considered the question, I arrived at obstacle two: he was still poopy. Poopy baby + clean shirt = poopy shirt. Painful as it was, I kept the clean shirt in the bag and the poopy shirt on me.

The first thing I notice when I walk in the door of the thrift store is a big men's T-shirt rack, $1 each.

Well, I found a baby outfit, changed baby and me, and made it to dinner only 40 minutes late. I got lots of compliments from the assembly as to my shirt.

I still wear it today. But that grey shirt, not so much.

What does a moderate look like?

This is a photo of Joe Schriner. He has no elected experience, a fact I dislike. However, he's the candidate I'll probably vote for, via write-in, in November 2008.

Simply put, this is the kind of moderate that a prior post bemoaned the lack of. He's staunchly pro-environment, pro-worker, and pro-consumer, positions few Republican senators endorse and even fewer vote for. But he also favors an amendment to the constitution to define marriage as one man and one woman, a position no Democratic senator favors.

He backs immigration reform that includes amnesty in name and in deed. He also wants a strong formal apology to all Native Americans, a land give-back, and the establishment of Native American History Month--positions far to the left of the Democratic Party. However, he also opposes abortion, euthanasia/physician assisted suicide, and embryonic stem-cell research that kills human embryos--a pretty far-Right set of beliefs. (Oh--and he opposes capital punishment, which virtually no one does nowadays.)

This mixture of positions, favoring neither one party nor another, is extremely close to my own. That's why, even though Joe has never even been a delegate in his home state, I'm (probably) going to Vote for Joe in Nov. 2008.

Books, books, everywhere!

Recently, my better half wrote about culling the herd. This also gave us the oportunity to organize a section of the kids' all-time favorite read-alouds. Not counting board books, here are the books we put in that section:


Angel in the Waters, Doman & Hatke: the most pro-life children's book of all time.
Click, Clack, Moo: Cows that Type, Cronin & Lewin: pure silliness. Sequels abound, too.
More Bugs in Boxes, Carter: how they did some of these pop-ups, I'll never know. Carter's other buggy pop-up books are also great.
Small Acts of Kindness, Vollbracht & Fay: a book about providence and the effects of free will.
Dinosaur Roar!, Stickland & Stickland: a favorite from ages 2-7, a remarkably wide range.
Night House, Bright House, Wellington: very creative rhymes and highly detailed, if cartoonish, pictures.
Jabberwocky, Carroll & Base: it's hard to beat Lewis Carroll for read-aloud, and Graeme Base is one of our favorite children's illustrators.
Animalia, Base: insanely (and beautifully) detailed, it's the only alphabet book I know of that can take 15-30 minutes to read (depending on attention span).
No Matter What, Gliori: this book about unconditional love helped Klenda through a rough spat of tantrums a few years back, and I'll always be grateful to Debi Gliori for that.
Mouse's Magic Paints: A First Book of Colors, Healey & Chamberlain: as creative as Harold and the Purple Crayon, only with a more solid plot and cast of characters.
Mouse Paint, Walsh: what is it about mice and colors?
When the Rooster Crowed, Lillie & Parker: one of the best farm animal books out there, it often gets read five times per sitting.
Dear Zoo, Rod Campbell: a very silly lift-a-flap book.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Carle: a classic. Personally, I don't get the appeal, but all five kids have loved it, so there must be something there.
Bears in the Night, Berenstain & Berenstain: I don't think much of the Berenstains' books for older kids, but their "Bright and Early" books make for wonderful read-alouds. Another one that can easily be read five times at a sitting.
Bears on Wheels, Berenstain & Berenstain: ditto.
Gorgeous!, Castle & Shields: a baby zebra wanders off from the hers and has an adventure. Favorite quote: "Little Zeb trotted off behind Big Zeb on his brand-new, clippy-cloppy, springy-zingy legs."
Too Much Talk, Medearis & Vitale: a little disturbing, but excellent, this adaptation of an African folk tale has a theme that will resonate with children who are tired of adults not believing them.
The Princess and the Kiss, Bishop & McDaniels: an allegory on purity for girls, but most boys like it too.
The Squire and the Scroll, Bishop & McDaniels: an allegory on purity for boys, but most girls like it too.
Day Dreams: An Imagination Book, Adams: A very clever hide-and-reveal die-cut book.
William and the Magic Ring: A Shadow Casting Bedtime Story, Robinson: unfortunately expensive, but if you can find it used, it's worth a look. (New, it comes with a flashlight.) You provide the blank wall for this shadow-casting story. If you're creative, you can even design your own special effects by moving the flashlight closer or farther away from the book, moving the book (and therefore the shadows) in a circle, etc.
In the Forest, Ets: a classic read-aloud, full of imagination. The most peaceful book Choclo enjoys.
A Day on the Farm, Hulick & Miller: my favorite of the "Little Golden Book" series. Not big on laughs, but the kids love it every time.
The Little Book, Horvath & Wilkin: my second-favorite "Little Golden Book," the clever rhymes and lovely pictures entrance kids ages 2-4.
Caps for Sale, Slobodkina: another classic. Depending on how much animation you read it with, kids can be rolling on the floor.
Pickle Things, Marc Brown: out of print for years, I find this crazy book far superior to his work with "Arthur."
Henry's Awful Mistake, Quackenbush: also out of print, but easier to get used copies of. A lesson in keeping your temper.
Sheep in a Jeep, Shaw & Apple: a quick, rhyming read about some very silly sheep. Sequels abound here, too.
Is It Time?, Janovitz: a book about a very cute wolf cub as he takes his bath, brushes his teeth, etc. Rhyming.
A Pie Went By, Dunn & Santoro: King Bing wants Queen Bee to marry him, so he bakes her a cherry pie and carries it on his head. The animals conspire to get him to fall down so that they can eat it. Very silly.
God Bless the Gargoyles, Pilkey: this book about God's unconditional love for us holds unusual emotional resonance.

Thanks to you other bloggers out there who have volunteered your lists at other times!!

57 Candidates and Nothing On

Never have I seen so many candidates with so few robes. With nearly 20 major declared candidates between the two major parties, and two credible third-party challenges possible (including multi-millionaire Michael Bloomberg), you would think there would be someone to vote for.

Instead, we have 22 candidates I'd be quite willing to vote against in favor of the lesser of two evils. How can there be no lesser of 22 evils? I don't understand it. In fact, out of my quite wide and diverse social circle (40+ adults), I only know four people enthusiastic about a candidate, and two of them favor Ron Paul. Of course, those supporters are a priest and a comic book store owner, so I'm not sure how representative that is of America at large--but I digress.

My mom has an idea for a fix. I didn't like it at first--it seemed downright un-American--but it's really grown on me.

She says that the problem is that Americans get to vote in the primaries. The country was much better off, she says, before the 1960's, when the primary system really began in earnest. Before then, party insiders met in "smoke-filled rooms" and decided what candidate had the best chance of winning the general election. That candidate would then be trotted out at the convention, at which point election season would begin.

The benefits to this system are manifold: we would get candidates closer to the middle of political thought, instead of now, when each side plays to their base so hard that we ended up last time with extreme-left John Kerry and extreme-right George W. Bush, neither of whom represented American thinking at all. That election produced enormous feelings of animosity, as did the one before.

The day after the 2006 congressional election, the presidential election season began. Incredible amounts of money have been raised, destroying the public-financing system. Congress passes no meaningful legislation because (a) so many senators are out campaigning and (b) each candidate wants to complain that their pet bill needs to get passed, so they need to be president, quietly taking steps to make sure that their pet bill does *not* get passed when the rhetoric is still needed.

Everyone's talking about changing the primary calendar, creating a rotating system based on geographical zones, finding a better primary debate format. Instead, let's return to smoke-filled rooms. None of the would-be emperors have anything on.

Why do genealogy at all?

My family doesn't have a president in its past, or anyone who signed the Declaration of Independence, or anything like that. My family's nearest brush with greatness seems to have coalesced in the form of my great-great-grandfather, Adelbert Kendall (that's "uh-DELL-bert," by the way).

I never met the man, of course. But he lived a full life. In his time, he was a farmer, prospector, deputy sheriff, volunteer militiaman, postmaster, lawyer, bank vice-president, judge, and real-estate magnate. The trick in writing his biography, though, is to tell his life in an elegant, engaging way that avoids phrases like "Adelbert Kendall was born."

And once one adds elegance, the story becomes more tricky. I find myself hypothesizing motives, trying to discern causes of death, making inferences about the presence or absence of extended family. I find myself wondering what season a certain event took place in so that I can add imagery, or wondering what the odds were for a 17-year old male living in Vermont during the height of the Civil War to be drafted.

What's really ironic is that I know so much about this man. I have not a single photograph, but I feel that I know him better than I know any other ancestor (aside from the ones I've met--and even some of those).

My better half, who jokingly refers to Adelbert as "the con artist," recently asked me why I'm interested in genealogy. I think at least part of it is seeing myself in the context of the history of the world, seeing human nature at work, and being inspired by those who have gone before me. Seeing my family as having a story, and realizing that I'm now a part of that story.

Bet meeting new cousins is awesome, too, especially when you already have the common interest of genealogy. So far, I seem to have about the best cousins on the planet.

Plus, finding out new information, or most especially breaking down a long-standing genealogical brick wall one or two more generations, is just plain fun.

Why do genealogy?

Who's Oob?

Okay, so it's time to introduce the kids. (This would also be a good time to discuss real-kid-names versus fake-kid-names, but I'll leave that for my better half to do.)

First, we have 10-y.o. boy Myxl, who loves robots and acting crazy. He's the one who just got the Lego Mindstorms NXT from his incredibly generous grandparents, an aunt, and an uncle.

Second, 8-y.o. Klenda is a horse enthusiast. She and Myxl are "nutty buddies," and have been ever since she could toddle.

Third, Zorg is a 6-y.o. boy who loves cub scouts and cats. He's the boy I wrote about earlier, the one who is well on his way to being able to read.

Fourth, our 5-y.o. girl is Leena. She has more nicknames than our other five children combined (we don't know how that happened, it just did: Sunshine Girl, Queen of the Squirrels, Jellybean Queen, Lima Bean, etc.).

Fifth, we have a 2-y.o. boy, Choclo. Chocolate was, in fact, one of his first ten words. It's good to be the fifth child.

Sixth and finally (for now), we have 12-week old boy Oob. There's not much we can say about him, except that he got up at 3 and didn't get back to sleep until about 6. That's A.M., folks. ("Oob" is about all we can say aloud after something like that.)

Last, I'll just post a "Shout Out" to my nieces Burger and Zippy. Hi out there!!

I'll try to find some way to put a "key" permanently on the side of the blog, but this will do for now.

Our Trip to New Jersey

We just got back yesterday from a week-long trip to Northern New Jersey to see Wendy's family. It was the first time in 10 years that she was with her brother and her sister at the same time (not to mention her parents). Yes, things were a little hectic and stressful, and there was of course the obligatory misunderstanding, but thankfully we got it over with on day two.

There were two main attractions. First, we visited Bushkill Falls (in NE Pennsylvania) which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been (and the prices were quite manageable, even for our 6-kid family). However, for those who are tempted, I do wish I could have re-done that decision and left those kids who were under 5 at home. It was simply too dangerous for them--or at least, it was too dangerous for us to have taken infant Oob and toddler Choclo both at once.

Our other main visit was Space Farms (in NW New Jersey), a "please-DO-feed-the-animals" zoo combined with a museum of whatever the founder, Ralph Space, was interested in (dolls, cars, clocks, rifles, etc.--all antique, of course). All five non-infants loved it. This was more expensive, though, for our family size, so you'd have to think about it. We saw everything there was to see, moved at the attention span of our kids, and stayed just over 4 hours (including lunch). The biggest attraction is definitely that you get to feed the animals, many of them by hand.


Finally, we did some genealogy. I dropped off some ship manifests that I'd found for Wendy's dad, and we got almost another hour of old family stories on our digital audio recorder (DAR). We also gave copies of the first two CD's worth of old stories to Wendy's brother and sister. We left the DAR up north for brother and sister (who are still there--they're both able to stay several weeks, the lucky dogs) to use with dad and mom.

Those of you who are collecting old family stories, I encourage you to encourage your brothers and sisters to do at least one interview of the older generation. They'll ask different questions than you would, and you'll therefore hear some stories you'd never hear otherwise. I'm looking forward to what our experiment will turn up when we get the DAR back next month.